I am not the answer or solution. I am not your happiness. YOU are your own everything!
Guys, today I want to discuss a little bit about our relationships with people. Some of you may understand me on this; when you have people in your life who choose to depend on you for their happiness.
You know what I’m talking about…
“I’ll die if you don’t___”
I have people in my life who challenge my patience (putting it mildly). One of the challenges I face is when people need me; it’s imperative that I do something in order to meet their expectations, and somehow this will bring them happiness. In other words, my actions will (according to them) determine how happy they will be, and so any inaction on my part will cause some sort of pain/suffering for them.
Thankfully for most of my life I’ve thought twice about letting someone else determine my happiness. And so I would like to impart some of my wisdom on you today.
Had I listened to some of my loved ones rather than my own gut, I would’ve never gone away to college, never traveled alone, never moved across the country…I’ve done so many things because I’ve always been called to pursue my happiness. In this pursuit of my happiness; of my dreams, I’ve somehow managed to ‘hurt’ others in the process. Some folks were ‘hurt’ by my decisions because I took steps for my own life which did not involve them whatsoever. They were ‘hurt’ because I did things outside of their control and vision for me; I did things they did not expect.
In inadvertently ‘hurting’ others, I asked myself, am I doing something wrong? Immediately the response I received from within was ‘NO’. So, why is it that while I feel great about my decisions, other people are ‘hurting’ as a result? I’ve learned over time that I’m not actually hurting anyone or doing anything wrong. What’s happening is that those people are ‘suffering’ because they cannot control me; they cannot control my actions. They suffer because their expectations are not met. Guess what folks? No one can control you and you cannot control anyone. We are all free. You cannot control the outcome of anyone’s life except your own.
When I say “I am NOT your salvation”, I mean I cannot save you from what I cannot control; I cannot control your happiness. If you choose to depend your happiness on my life and what I choose to do with it, I cannot control that. I cannot control how you feel. All I CAN do is control me; control my life and my actions.
If you have people in your life who choose to depend on you for their happiness, then let them. Don’t fight it or try to understand it; just keep doing your thing and hopefully one day they will choose to instead focus on finding their happiness within. The same can be applied if you yourself have depended on others for your own happiness.
The answer lies in you.
You don’t know how strong you are and how capable you are until you try. It’s easy to blame others for your unhappiness or on the flip-side, to try to find your own happiness within others, but it’s all a matter of perspective. Are you choosing to live your life or live through others?
If you are on the receiving end of a “save me from myself” relationship, first gently assert yourself. “I AM NOT YOUR HAPPINESS”. Let this gentle assertion of your freedom serve as a first warning. If further warning is needed, then it’s time to assess the relationship as a whole, honestly. I say, let go of toxic people immediately! Sometimes the people we love the most can be the most toxic to us. Assert your time and space, with much more force than before. Never give your power over to anyone. Let go of trying to convince them that you are not their salvation. Let it go and keep doing your thing. Pursue your own happiness.